Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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