dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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