She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
