When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
