wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
