YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
