im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
