Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
