i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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