I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need moral support for this bender
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
