New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
