I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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