She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize