Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
