It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
