I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
