Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
