He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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