I'm eating all of the evidence.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
