If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
