i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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