hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
