Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
