I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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