when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
