So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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