come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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