please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
