My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
