Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize