Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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