I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
