That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
