zippers are such a cool invention
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
