After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
