I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You're like the curious george of whores
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
