He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
