My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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