i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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