I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
