it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
