I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
