I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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