I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
