I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
