What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
