she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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