A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
