I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
