Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
