i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
