i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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