My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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