The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
