Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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