"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
