also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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