I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
