We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
