do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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