now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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